Crushes

Sometimes, a crush works out. You two get together, last longer than average, and then you get married. For some, you might be that model couple - the couple that everyone wants to be: indestructible, together, and happy. The love is reciprocated and all of a sudden, you get a happily ever after - just like the fairy tales.

The other times however, a crush just crashes and burns before you can even attempt it. You find some dreamy figure that catches your eye (and sometimes for as long as four years) and you just... Follow them the rest of the time until they notice. They might even be your closest friend, or some kid you exchanged two words with in the hall! The point is, they become the one thing you obsess about - every greeting, every exchange, every single interaction with them starts to be mulled over constantly, analyzing the little details that you may have missed. Those exchanges become the "star" moments in your life; I mean, you talked to the person that keeps attracting your eyes! And right before you can act and break the ice... They find someone they're attracted to. And it sucks when you see them doing the same exact thing that you're doing to them. You want to tell them to stop, but at the same time, you want them to be happy, right? You're caught in this game of feeling hurt and letting them be happy, and ruining it for them altogether and feel happy, but have them be hurt. What hurts more though? Having to watch their love be returned and seeing a new couple form, knowing that they are happier with each other as opposed as them being with you. Thinking, "Oh, I have this amazing chance!" when in reality... You never had one to begin with.

Allow me to share a story. Just like every other girl, I've liked a guy... Albeit longer than the norm (see above). We're pretty good friends - rather, he's one of my closest. He amuses me with everything he does. There were times when I thought, "Maybe he might just like me; he surely acts like it!" only to have that feeling refuted when I see him talk to a certain girl. I can't insult the girl, nor can I particularly praise her; my feelings for her are very neutral after all-- well, not really. If I had to be genuinely honest, I don't like her. Alas, that is how a teenage girl feels towards any girl that gets along with her crush, no? Anyways... Four years. It's funny how my feelings held out for so long. In those fours years, I've never once done anything to show him that I did like him (but he did find out two years ago due to certain circumstances). Shows just how much I'm afraid of rejection, huh? After I publish this post, I'm done. He can be happy with her and be that model couple that I mentioned earlier. He's a sweet guy; it's such a shame he never felt even a tiny bit of what I felt for him.

You know how they say that if you truly like something, then let go? HOW. I've always wondered how people would let go of something they loved and cherished so easily. Surely it was hard for them, but how can they simply... Just let go and watch the other be happy with another person? I commend the people who can do that, and still keep a smile on their face. //cue round of applause.

What I wanted to do was to post this on to my blog and actually give up on him; I even stated that before, too. But... I tend to go back on my word concerning him. Chances of me actually giving up? Slim. Most likely... I'll keep liking him until I move in a few months, and if I'm lucky, it all ends there. If I'm not? Well... Time to sort out my priorities.

To all the people in the same position as me... Good luck. It hurts to have to watch them, and to realize that they probably never felt the same. Whether you choose to be a stubborn person like me or not, you'll still get a happy ending - maybe not with the person you envision, but hey, we can dream.